where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize