i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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