I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
