Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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