A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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