new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just had sex bonerless
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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