brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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