is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
