Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
