haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
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the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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