everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
