I'm going to rape someone's good day.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't deserve a penis
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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