Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
