My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize