I got chris browned last night
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
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If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
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Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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