We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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