This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
