my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
