Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
