I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
