Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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