Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
