if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.