There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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