Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
