Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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