So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
