my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
