You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
