I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
love makes seman taste better
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
