I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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