I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
