Sry I called you an 8
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
