omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
