He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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