i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
