life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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