I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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