I think my fart just growled at me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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