I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
