There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
