lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
