I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
