ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
