im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I cockslap morals
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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