dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize