First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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