You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
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Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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