He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
do nipples grow back?
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