last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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