fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
