Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
