Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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