Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
