Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize