fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
