I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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