Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
